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Anonymous
Story
When I was 3, my mother put me on a diet, with the excuse that my father's
family was fat and she could see that I really
liked food so I'd probably be fat too. I watched
my skinny brother eat all the forbidden foods
-- bread, jelly, ice cream, etc. and envy ate
at me.
I had my first anxiety attack at
4 -- my throat closed up and I couldn't swallow
solid foods for many weeks. No one got the message
that it was food-related -- only that I must
have a blockage or was being stubborn. Once
a week I was permitted a slice of bread and
I remember cutting it in 4 parts to put different
spreads on it and enjoy my weekly taste of bread
in differing ways.
By my teens I had found out how to sneak money
from my mother's change jar and buy the forbidden
things like candy and chips. I had a friend
to do this with so it was fun. I quickly gained
20 lbs. Then my mom died when I was 14. I was
sad, but was now able to eat as I chose. I did
not gain weight and looked very good.
I made a bad marriage too young (lousy stepmother)
and got pregnant accidentally. I gained over
40 lbs. during the pregnancy and lost only a
few after the birth. I complained to the doctor
and he gave me amphetamines (this was in the
50's when such medications were easily prescribed).
This started me on a dependency on weight loss
pills and yo-yo symptoms -- I went up and down
losing the same 40 lbs. And regaining them.
Finally I went into therapy and lost the 40
lbs. (with the help of pills -- I didn't think
I could do it on my own). I got a good job in
advertising and used the pills to keep my weight
in line. When the pills stopped being effective,
I stopped them, slept for a few days till I
recovered and began again.
To add to my problems, bad marriage, financial
woes, etc., my back began to trouble me, so
exercise was out -- I had to rest a lot when
not working. I took pain killers to help me.
My marriage broke up when I was 47 and I was
left with a house foreclosure, 2 kids in college,
and the emotional wreckage from a hysterectomy,
and my husband leaving me. Though he was not
good, I had married for life and thought that
at 47 I was finished.
I went into a clinical depression for which
I was hospitalized and lost a lot of weight.
Never in my life had I been so slim! I was on
antidepressants, so I couldn't take amphetamines
and by that time it was hard to get them, so
I went to OA and followed their strict (but
unrealistic) diet.
The weight stayed off for about 10 years but
I was getting older and not exercising. It was
very hard for me to lose even 1 lb. I went to
a diet doctor and he gave me some liquid appetite
suppressant which would work for awhile, but
I'd have to stop it then start it again to feel
the results. I must mention here that I never
went above minimal doses in any of these drugs
-- I'd just stop them for a couple of weeks
and then resume small doses till they didn't
work again. But then I moved away and remarried
and was unable to get the drugs. I tried dieting
but it was hard for me to do so having always
had a crutch to help me.
My troublesome back started my "cure." It was
so bad that I was supposed to go for surgery
-- but the doctor sent me to a physiotherapist
who told me that if I did my exercises regularly,
I would be out of pain in months. The exercises
started gently but then worked up to crunches
and weights and I do them to this day.
I also began a sensible diet, and got a health
club membership and worked out. But I didn't
lose weight. I was now in my sixties, and it
is hard to lose weight at that age.
However, I mentioned it to my internist and
he said women of my age often have poorly functioning
thyroids, so after seeing that my blood test
showed a borderline thyroid deficiency, he prescribed
a small dose of thyroid. What a miracle! I wasn't
tired anymore; my hair stopped falling out;
my depression was gone -- and I was ready to
begin serious weight loss.
I went back to OA -- where they now recommend
seeing a nutritionist. So I went to one my doctor
recommended. She put me on 1300 calories and
told me I'd lose weight on it even though it
was more calories than Weight Watchers or other
programs I'd been on. It featured more protein,
less carbohydrates than most nutrition articles
recommend, and controlled fats. It did include
snacks so I eat 5-6 small meals a day.
I have lost 30 lbs. and look years younger.
I can wear clothes I hadn't tried to wear in
years. No more amphetamines either -- I'm in
charge of my life!
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