Stake Your Claim to Better Health!
by Bob Merberg
You have the right to do what you need to do in order to pursue perfect health. And you have the responsibility to put on notice anyone who might stand in your way that you will not allow their trespasses.
From
time to time, friends, spouses, partners, coworkers,
bosses, or parents will--to varying degrees--stand
in your way, sometimes with the best of intentions
and sometimes in order to get their own needs
met. They may:
- Insist that whatever strategy you have selected doesn't work.
- Try to tempt you into your old patterns of behavior (eating unhealthy food, skipping a workout, etc).
- Signal to you, or express outright, their lack of belief in your success.
- Contribute to an environment around you that is not conducive to self-improvement.
Do not permit this. Standing up for yourself in situations such as these will not only eliminate one of the greatest direct threats to your success, but will fill you with the confidence you need to achieve your goal.
Your wellness is yours and yours only. But you must stake your claim. Do not point your finger at others for crossing your boundaries if, indeed, you have not even communicated to them exactly where those boundaries are. Here are some tips for staking your claim and asserting your boundaries:
Rely on the spoken word. If someone is undermining you, you must tell them that they are doing it, and exactly how they are doing it. This is a good time to use "I" messages (such as, "I feel unsupported in my effort to lose weight when you keep a lifetime supply of Dove Bars in the freezer.").
Do not use signals (such as disposing of the Dove Bars), dirty looks, or sarcasm. C'mon, you know the difference between good and bad communication. This is no time to be evasive.
Be proactive. If you can anticipate that someone will subvert you, tell them in advance that you will not allow it.
Don't be persuaded by the arguments of others that your boundaries may not be reasonable. Your boundaries are your boundaries. Case closed.
If anything, extend your boundaries. A lot. If you're quitting smoking, you may feel like you're setting a boundary by asking your spouse not to smoke in front of you anymore. In fact, you should also tell him or her not to smoke in the house anymore. Ever. This is the scale upon which you need to be thinking (and acting!) in order to make a big-time health change.
Be prepared to spend less time with anyone who will not honor your claim to better health. If it's your spouse, consider going to counseling together (spouses need to honor each other's boundaries).
©2002 Bob Merberg The Center For Personal Health Coaching
