Stake Your Claim to Better Health!
by Bob Merberg
You have the right to do what you need to
do in order to pursue perfect health. And
you have the responsibility to put on notice
anyone who might stand in your way that you
will not allow their trespasses.
 From
time to time, friends, spouses, partners, coworkers,
bosses, or parents will--to varying degrees--stand
in your way, sometimes with the best of intentions
and sometimes in order to get their own needs
met. They may:
- Insist that whatever strategy you have selected
doesn't work.
- Try to tempt you into your old patterns
of behavior (eating unhealthy food, skipping
a workout, etc).
- Signal to you, or express outright, their
lack of belief in your success.
- Contribute to an environment around you
that is not conducive to self-improvement.
Do not permit this. Standing up for yourself
in situations such as these will not only eliminate
one of the greatest direct threats to your success,
but will fill you with the confidence you need
to achieve your goal. Your wellness is yours and yours only. But
you must stake your claim. Do not point your
finger at others for crossing your boundaries
if, indeed, you have not even communicated to
them exactly where those boundaries are. Here
are some tips for staking your claim and asserting
your boundaries: Rely on the spoken word. If someone
is undermining you, you must tell them that
they are doing it, and exactly how they are
doing it. This is a good time to use "I"
messages (such as, "I feel unsupported
in my effort to lose weight when you keep a
lifetime supply of Dove Bars in the freezer.").
Do not use signals (such as disposing
of the Dove Bars), dirty looks, or sarcasm.
C'mon, you know the difference between good
and bad communication. This is no time to be
evasive. Be proactive. If you can anticipate
that someone will subvert you, tell them in
advance that you will not allow it. Don't be persuaded by the arguments
of others that your boundaries may not be reasonable.
Your boundaries are your boundaries. Case closed.
If anything, extend your boundaries. A
lot. If you're quitting smoking, you may feel
like you're setting a boundary by asking your
spouse not to smoke in front of you anymore.
In fact, you should also tell him or her not
to smoke in the house anymore. Ever. This is
the scale upon which you need to be thinking
(and acting!) in order to make a big-time health
change. Be prepared to spend less time with anyone
who will not honor your claim to better health.
If it's your spouse, consider going to counseling
together (spouses need to honor each other's
boundaries). ©2002 Bob Merberg The
Center For Personal Health Coaching
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